Review: The Ugly Duchess

Reviewed by Jen
 

This book pushed my buttons in a bad way.  I know many people enjoyed it. Most were able to get over the things that got stuck in my craw.  But it did not work for me at all.

I had problems from the very beginning. James and Theodora grew up together. Theo had been taken in as ward of James' father. They were essentially raised as siblings.  Unfortunately, Daddy Dearest lost all of his money in bad investments and some of Theo's dowry too. If anyone were to find out, he could go to prison. So he forces James to propose to Theo to hide the crime and legally get his hands her remaining funds.  James cares for Theo and knows what he doing is wrong, but he does it anyway.

I thought this dynamic was kind of squicky. Rather quickly, though, James begins to have less than brotherly feelings towards Theo and their marriage is the real deal.  Until Theo finds out why he proposed.  She is heartbroken and orders him away.  James takes her demand seriously, heading to the high seas, where he spends the next seven years as a pirate.

That's right. I said SEVEN YEARS.  He leaves her the entire responsibility of running his estate and getting it out from under his father's debts.  He leaves her to deal with his father's death alone... and then her own mother's passing as well. Not to mention that she is left to shoulder the cruel moniker of the "Ugly Duchess," she was given by all the newspapers from the day they wed.  They had been married only two days before he left her, and her humiliation was heartbreaking.

In her husband's absence, Theo remakes herself. She ends up very successful and the height of fashion. She moved on with her life, but in a very closed-off way. James broke something inside her and what remained was icy and distant.  It was just as she was preparing to have him declared dead that James returns.  He has decided he wants her back and somehow he thinks he is entitled to it. Despite his lies to get her to marry him. Despite the fact he abandoned her. Despite the mistresses he took while he was gone.

Yes. Mistresses. And he has no problem with the fact that she knows it. He even talks to her about them, about how he considered their marriage over.

This was the point that I was ready to stop reading.  I didn't even want them to work it out.  I didn't want him to be redeemed.  I just wanted to rage.  This is not ok. You can't go around shtupping other women in your randy pirate life then come back and say no other man will ever touch your wife. You can't consider your marriage over, yet still consider it valid when it suits you.  You can't make me like you again.

Unfortunately, I can't say Theo holds onto her anger quite the same way. To the contrary, one nice bath and a couple of hours naked and all seems forgiven. Let's reiterate the seven years part. And the mistresses part. No. Just no.

Rating: D+

*ARC Provided by Avon

Click to purchase: Amazon

The Ugly Duchess

by Eloisa James

Release Date: August 28, 2012

Publisher: Avon

  

Review: Eliza's Awakening

Reviewed by Jen
 

I hated this book.  When I finished reading it, I felt gross. I was angry and... disappointed that somewhere out there in Booklandia, there are people who still find rape to be sexy.  Because that's what this book is about: the rape of a woman by three people in front of a crowd.  And it's supposed to be titillating. It's supposed to make me hot.  And all I want to do is set fire to it.

The blurb sounded kind of interesting to me.  Usually, I like to explain a book in my own words, but here, I'm going to give you the actual book description:

It is the eve of the Longest Night. Eliza Baker and the rest of Lord Jayden's servants excitedly prepare for the lavish festival as their masters enjoy a head start on the debauchery that awaits. Eliza's madly in love with Kell, a sweet, deliciously sexy guard. Kell returns her feelings, but is striving to make himself a worthy man before he asks Eliza's father for permission to court her.

To keep the Demon of Winter at bay, an offering must be made during the festival. As the event begins, Lord Kempsly informs Kell that he's offering a special sacrifice this year, and Kell must escort the girl who will offer up her maidenhood for the enjoyment of the crowd. Another guest will select the maiden, and Kell realizes to his dismay the guest is Lord Rakin, a rich and handsome rogue who has his eye on Eliza. But little do any of the men suspect the burgeoning desire the ceremony is awakening in Eliza.

OK. First of all, I liked the idea of a serving girl and a guard. It's different from the Lords and Ladies I usually read about.  I especially was intrigued by how Kell felt unworthy of her.  As for the "offering," I thought Eliza was OFFERING UP her maidenhood.  As in, of her free will.  I expected a little exhibitionism, perhaps. But that's not what happened.

Lord Rakin sees Eliza at the ball and decides he wants her.  So he tells her master that he thinks she should be the offering. Lord Kempsly tells Kell he'll send a doctor to his sick sister if he'll bring Eliza into the room, even if he has to do it by force.  Eliza knows that Kell will lose his job if she doesn't go with him --and she agrees to go in on her own steam, not knowing for sure if the speculation about a sacrifice is true.  She says," We don't know exactly what we are both losing our jobs for yet.  Lord Kempsly's never flogged anyone unless they really deserved it.  I don't see him turning cruel now."

She goes in the room full of people and Kell holds her still while Rakin rips her clothes off.  She is then held down as a woman forces oral sex on her.  Then she is forced to perform oral sex on Rakin until he comes in her mouth. Then Kell is instructed to take her virginity on a table in front of the crowd.  Kell, who she has been silently in love with forever. And he does it.

After all of this, Kell is rewarded with the doctor that was promised and a ring to propose with. And Eliza gets --wait for it-- two days off of work.  Then Kell asks her to marry him and she is surprised that he wants her.  She feels herself unworthy because she orgasmed during the sex acts.

I am just beside myself, truly.  This woman was raped. And it is most assuredly not sexy.  And Kell, while under duress, held her down and then raped her too.  He is the HERO?  And she questions whether she is good enough for HIM?  Because her body reacted to the sex acts that were performed on her?

I wish I could unread this. I really do.

Rating: F

*ARC Provided by NetGalley

Click to purchase: Amazon

Eliza's Awakening

by Zaide Bishop

Release Date: July 23, 2012

Publisher: Carina Press

Review: A Blood Seduction

Reviewed by Jen

I should tell you this right off the bat: I found this book disturbing.  I did not like the hero. I did not want him to end up with the heroine.  I did not like the world in which it was set.  And I almost did not finish it.  The writing was good. The author definitely drew me in and made me feel things.  They were just things I'd rather not feel when I'm reading a book.

The heroine is Quinn. For a while now, she has been plagued with visions of a shimmer in the atmosphere and glimpses of a dark world that mirrors her own.  Through a series of events, she and her brother Zack are pulled into that alternate world and what they find there is horrifying.  It's a city designed to be a vampire haven.  The vamps run the show, keeping humans as slaves. Quinn and Zack are separated almost immediately and Quinn spends the rest of the book fixated on how she will rescue her brother.

The vampire who captures Quinn is Arturo.  His vampire species feeds on emotion as well as blood.  Arturo's delicacy is fear, though others feed on pain or other emotions.  Right away, Arturo realizes there is something different about Quinn. She is immune to his mind control, which makes her interesting.  We learn Arturo is planning to make her into one of his blood and sex slaves, using her once every four days to slake his desires.  Obviously, Quinn's not on board with the plan --and frankly, this was point I started to worry about whether I could get behind Arturo as a hero.  (After all, he'll be using his other slaves for the same purposes on the other days of the week.)

There are times he is less of a turn-off than others.  That is to say, he is sexy and seductive and he doesn't seek to hurt his slaves. But if that's the best thing you can say about your hero, there's a problem. I can just imagine the internal monologue: He's not as bad as the other vamps.  You know, like that Christoff guy who puts a spiked sleeve on his dick before he rapes his slaves. The guy who gets off on their pain while he, er, gets off.  Yeah, Arturo would never do that. Quinn should totally fall in love with him. Um. No.

Arturo wants her to be his property.  That never changes at any time.  His allegiance is --and will always be-- to his sire, Christoff (see spiked dick sleeve story above.)  And he is willing to put Quinn in that monster's hands.  He is willing to lie to her, to betray her.  But he won't rape her. Wow. There's a ringing endorsement.  He doesn't beat her, but he'll stand by while others do.  He is simply less horrible than the other horrible characters.  That is just not a good enough reason for her to have any tender feelings for him, nor any loyalty, and certainly not any sexual interest.

The entire vamp culture was for me, in a word, irredeemable.  And just when I thought there was a shred of something decent in Arturo at the very end... there wasn't.  He wants Quinn. He doesn't love her. He doesn't put her before the monsters all around him.  He unabashedly does what serves himself and his master.  I am baffled how anyone could root for a relationship to develop between him and Quinn in this book or any other to come.

The constant abuse of the humans in this world included rape, beatings, forced feedings, burning, draining, slave auctions and gladiator games.   And it's completely unapologetic. I just... didn't enjoy it.  But if you like the idea of a dark world like this one, the book may suit you better.

Rating: D

*ARC Provided by Avon 

Click to purchase: Amazon

  A Blood Seduction

by Pamela Palmer

Release Date: May 29, 2012

Publisher: Avon

DNF: Darkness Falling

Life is too short to force yourself to keep reading.  

I requested Darkness Falling from NetGalley because I liked the premise: Four people inside a radio station find they may be the only normal people left alive after a strange bright light turns the rest of the town in pod-people zombies. I like zombies. But well-over 100 pages in, imagine my surprise when I have yet to see the walking undead. What I did see was nothing like the blurb... except the white light.

The story actually follows about nine or 10 people, scattered in or around Denver. Three are in a plane when the rest of the crew and passengers disappear. My mind went straight to The Langoliers and never left. There is the obvious dismay and confusion that follows, then more of the same once they get the plane to the ground. At the same time, we see the event from the perspective of a serial killer, a schizophrenic and the promised radio station crowd, respectively. It is incredibly drawn out. We get a lot of characterization, which can be a good thing, but it was just too much. 

I was most annoyed by the exact same revelations over and over again, such as "Why would people close the doors behind them?" when everyone is trying to figure out where the town went. You know what? I would never ask that question, yet the folks in the book did, over and over and over. Another annoyance: a movie or literary reference every five seconds. One or twice could create some common ground between the characters and the audience, but we're talking like 50 different references. 

So, back to the zombie thing... I'm more than a 1/3 of the way into the book and I start questioning myself about whether this was really a zombie book after all. So I go to Goodreads and discover two things: 1) While the zombies do eventually make an appearance, the book is basically the set up installment for the series, with no resolution; and 2) It was originally released in 2002... part 2 didn't come out until six years later and there is still no word on number 3. So I sat there thinking to myself, why on earth would I keep reading this book?  Then I turned off my nook.  Like I said, life is too short, even if giving up on a book makes me feel like a failure.

*After posting this review, a reader shared the following information with me: "Parts 1 and 2 that you mention were originally published as limited edition novellas, and they are included as *part* of Darkness Falling. Darkness Falling is essentially novellas 1 and 2 rewritten with additional material. The second novel in the trilogy is due in September 2012, and the third volume a year later."  Thank you, Stevie J, for correcting my error.

**ARC Provided by NetGalley

Darkness Falling

by Peter Cowther

Release Date: September 27, 2011

Publisher: Angry Robot

Original Release Date: September 1, 2002

Review: Tell Me More

Reviewed by Jen
 

**WARNING: This review is intended for readers 18 and older. It contains coarse language and adult themes. If you think you may be offended, you might want to skip this one. Be warned that this review also contains spoilers.**

Let me begin by telling you about the two most redeeming qualities about this book: the premise and the sex. The story centers on Jo, a woman who is just coming off of a bad break-up with a long-term boyfriend. Jo is a radio DJ and has been talking on the phone to a mysterious stranger who calls in, night after night. She knows nothing about him, except that he's a bit older and his calls are becoming something she looks forward to every night. After months of just talk, her conversations with "Mr. D" begin to turn sexual. It starts with phone sex, but Jo finds that with each call, she wants to up the stakes.

I found the early chapters of the book to be charming and sexy. I was quickly wrapped up in Jo's attraction to Mr. D and I couldn't wait for them to finally get together. But things go downhill fast. She sleeps with a co-worker, so she can tell Mr. D all about it. That wasn't so bad. But then, she sleeps with a guy she doesn't even like for the same reason. From there, that guy brings her into a mild 4-some with a swinging couple. And that leads to a secret sex club. Sexual adventure descends basically into hoe-dom at this point.

When she's not having sex, we see Jo interact with her BFF Kimberly... and her new tenant Patrick. There is some undefined sizzle between Jo and Patrick, but I didn't think much of it at first. I mean, who can pay attention to a sexual undercurrent, when Jo is so busy doing the nasty with random strangers?

Jo finds herself getting deeper and deeper into sordid sexual situations, all to titillate Mr D. But in a bizarre twist, it turns out Mr D is heavily involved into the kink himself. This development annoyed me. Mr D was painted as this staid, older man. I got the impression that his sexual talks with Jo were an aberration in his life... an exciting new adventure, as much for him as for her. But that wasn't the case at all. In another bait and switch, the love interest doesn't even end up being Mr D... but Patrick.

I found myself getting more and more disgusted as the book drew to a close. Jo, who starts the book as a woman seeking adventure and sexual empowerment, ends up a slut-bag who is too stupid to live. She makes one idiotic decision after another, especially when it comes to Patrick. Not the least of which is asking him for sex without a condom.... after the copious amount of sexual activity she has had throughout the book. It's true, the other guys used condoms for sex, but she swallowed more spunk than a porn star and poor Patrick had no idea what he was getting into. She brings him into the sex house, which she already knows is filled with nefarious perverts, without telling him... then proceeded to be shocked when she was betrayed. And yet, he forgives her! I don't know who is the bigger idiot!!! I wish I could say that things get better from this point, but then, Jo actually cheats on Patrick... after all he has been willing to accept and forgive.

Jo is the worst character -- ever. I hope she gets crotch rot. And dies. I am a hardcore HEA fan, but I found myself wishing for her to end up living in abject misery. She deserved it. I read the last third of the book with my mouth hanging open, wishing I had never started it. Maybe this was magnified by the promise I saw early on. Maybe it was because Mr D was ruined. Maybe it was because I liked poor Patrick. Whatever the case, now that's it over, I feel like a need a shower. Or eye bleach. Or short-term amnesia... so I can forget I ever read this. Maybe 2 stars.

*ARC Provided by NetGalley

Tell Me More 

by Janet Mullany

Release Date: July 19, 2011

Publisher: Spice

Review: The Heart of War

I love a good smut book.  And I love the paranormal: vampires, werewolves, demons, Gods.. all of them work for me. So I thought this book would be a perfect fit: Greek gods and dirty sex sounds like a winning combination. But it didn't quite work out that way.

The story centers on a Fey woman named Magdelena who washed up on the shores of an island belonging to Ares, the God of War. She is a mystery for him to solve. And as he gets to know her better, he discovers she is betrothed to an ancient Celt God, Cernunnos, who she has been trying to escape for 2oo years. A relationship quickly develops between Ares and "Alena." The book goes on to incorporate the other Greek gods. We learn about their estrangement from Ares. And we discover the depths of Cerunnos' evil acts and terrible plans.

Ares is, for lack of a better word, a complete asshole. It made it impossible for me to root for him as a character. He has a harem of women, who he barely sees as people. He has sex with them all indiscriminately and orders them to not only sleep with him, but with each other and occasionally, his guards. I understand that we're supposed to be watching the evolution of his character as he falls in love with Alena. But he is just so awful for the first half of the book that by the time he begins to soften, I still can't make myself like him. This is made worse by the actions he takes while cursed, later in the book. I know his redemption is the whole point of it all, but I think the author did too good of a job convincing me he was horrible at the beginning.

Alena, on the other hand, is way too understanding and forgiving. She was willing to let Ares keep his harem. And she was willing to forgive and forget instantly after some really unforgivable actions on his part. Yes, he was cursed. But let's get real here... he did terrible things to her and she was still all sunshine and roses with him.

Moving beyond all that, my biggest issue with the book was the brutality of it. Like I said, I'm on board for sex. But I think the instances of rape in this book matched the number of willing sex acts, tit-for-tat. I can stomach a rape in a book, as a single pivotal act that can stunningly alter a character or a storyline. But here, forced anal, oral, and vaginal sex, happened over and over and over. It was too much. It was disturbing and it was overkill. And did I mention the incest? Suffice it to say, there was a lot of that too.

There were also a number of grammatical errors, missing words, and misspellings. I can overlook one or two, but there were probably about 20 instances of this and I almost felt like I was reading an unedited story. A very, very long one. I think this book would have been a lot better if it were 100 pages shorter, 5 rapes lighter, and given one more once-over by an editor's red pen. I applaud the author for her creativity... It was definitely not like anything I've ever read before. It just wasn't for me. 2 stars.

*Review copy provided by author

The Heart of War

by Lisa Beth Darling

Release Date: November 21, 2010

Publisher: Moon Mistress Publishing

DNF: Dark Legacy

Reviewed by Jen
 

Did Not Finish.

In all fairness, I'm not sure I should write a review on this book, since I didn't finish it. However, I feel like I must warn people who might be thinking of buying it.  The premise sounded really good: girl tortured psychically by her comatose twin, as a relationship brews with the handsome doctor determined to keep her sane.  Throw in some covert agencies, mind control, and bam! Awesome story, right? Wrong.

First of all, we're dealing with so many bouncing POV's, it's hard to keep straight who we're talking about.  Most of the time, I found myself struggling just to figure out whether Maddie is controlling her own mind or Sarah is.  Then, I tried to wade through the murk of Sarah's experiment-induced dreamscape. There are ravens and metaphoric weapons that turn into real weapons and there's a mysterious Brotherhood and some unidentified bad-guys... and it's really just a train wreck.  And to make matters worse, the dream-program is actually called a "Dream Weaver." So on top of the headache I got reading this, I'm now subjected to bad 70's stoner music stuck in my head for the duration of the night. 

So, no, I won't be making it past page 103. And I won't be reading the sequel.  I'm sorry, but this was not for me.

*ARC Provided by NetGalley

Review: Hart & Soul

This may be the worst book I have ever read. In my life. Jenner and Niann live in some sort of tribe. Niaan has been an outcast since birth, but Jenner has a special connection to him. The tribe's shaman realizes that Niann may be a "chosen one," a kind of sexual healer, and he hopes to use Niann's energies for his own gain. Once the tribe realizes what he is, they all use him. Jenner is probably the only person who loves Niann, and has to fight against everyone to set him free.

I knew this was a m-m going in, but there were so many things that disturbed me about this book. One was the fact that Niann is a teenaged virgin and all these horny old guys want to hump him. Then everyone in the whole tribe does hump him. Though Niann "gives his consent," he's often drugged or taken forcefully. The shaman Heyka, essentially rapes him over and over again, often when he's unconsious. There is some serious confusion about whether Niann sees himself as a man or a woman --and by the way, s/he ends up settling on the answer "both and neither." And this doesn't even touch all of the animal humping going on. The lines between people and deer having sex are blurred and gross... and... there are just no words, my friends. There are no words. 1 star.

*ARC Provided by NetGalley