Rant: True Blood

You would think I would have learned my lesson. Over and over, people keep telling me that I need to think of True Blood as something totally separate from the Sookie Stackhouse books. And that sounds easy enough, but I just can't do it. I mean, these are the supposed to be the characters I've cared about for all this time.

The basic premise of the series was the same... at least in season one. Sookie Stackhouse, telepathic waitress, gets her first real chance at a relationship with the first vampire she ever meets. Her shapeshifter boss is there, along with her slightly selfish, man-whore brother... The main story arc holds up, as someone kills people with ties to vampires. And not withstanding the horrific accents, it worked. Of course, the amazing casting of Alexander Skarsgard didn't hurt. His presence is what made me tolerate that whole ridiculous v-addiction storyline.

Then season two came and the bastardization began. Layfayette is alive (the one and only change I was ever on board with)... Jessica is born. The unnamed maenad gets a name and an extended storyline that nearly overshadows the trip to Dallas. There's the epic fail of the Fellowship of the Sun side-plot and changes involved with making Godric into Eric's maker. Season 3 gives us the gift of Joe Mangianello and I can forgive the show creators almost anything after that. Except maybe the train wreck that they turned Russell into. Or the terrible miscasting of Claudine and Hadley.

But here we are at season four. And I've been waiting, poised between excitement and fear for the adaptation of my favorite book in the series. Only to get the horrific, steaming pile of shit that I witnessed last night. In two episodes, there was nary a shred of storyline that can be reconciled with Dead to the World. In fact, it felt like Alan Ball was giving a huge middle finger to Charlaine Harris fans, making it essentially impossible for the story to mirror future books.  

Here are my top 10 complaints:

1. Faerie. This was wrong in so many ways, I don't even know where to start. Lumieres. Ugly fae. Grandpa EARL? This knocks out the whole Niall storyline and indicates (by Barry's presence) that Sookie's telepathy is linked to her being fae.

2. A year has passed.

3. Jason sold Sookie's house.

4. Tara is suddenly a lesbian.

5. Sam is in a shifter support group that has a soft spot for horses. (Who the hell are these people?)

6. Sam's stupid brother is still around.

7. Arlene thinks she has a devil baby.

8. Here's a big one. Bill kills Sophie-Ann. Knocking out huge storyline potential from future books. So much of the upcoming story should have been tied up in Sophie Ann, from Sookie's trip to New Orleans, to the vampire conference, to Mr. Cataliades, Andre, Sigebert & Wybert... All just wiped out with this one plot device.

9. Bill is King. (Seriously... I knew they weren't going to send him to Peru, but this utterly changes the dynamic between him and Eric forever.)

10. The witches don't want to have sex with Eric. Instead of some all powerful, evil witches, we've got an old lady who misses her dead bird and a bunch of dabblers. It's all wrong.

I could go on. Bitch about Crystal being part of the plan to turn Jason into a shifter... Or Andy's drug dependence on vampire blood. Or Lafayette's stupid new hair. But I'm starting to feel petty. They couldn't even throw me a bone and toss a naked shot of Joe Manganiello in there.

((**sigh**)) Alan Ball, you did a bad, bad thing.